Passport

If you need a Passport for your child and your former spouse is an asshole, then please give your divorce attorney a six (6) month notice to accomplish this task for you! Courts are very congested these days due to the judiciary financial crisis.

THE VANITY PLATE WINS POINT ONE!

I have represented a Husband for several years and through his multiple trials and appeals I have come to know him and his new Wife. Both are great people and I do really like their courage, humor and just overall nature. But in his divorce (and remember over the last 23 years I have been involved in over a 1000 divorce matters) he did the best move I have ever seen a Husband do with his the girlfriend (current wife and yes they do have "true love"). During the divorce he bought his girlfriend a Mercedes (believe me she deserved a Bentley for all the work she did on his case) and it came with a vanity license plate that said "Bobby's Girl". To this day his former Wife blows a fuse everytime that Mercedes is mentioned! Can we not have any humor left in life? Does every damn thing have to be poitically correct? I say Fuck no! I assure you there are many ways for his former Wife to create her on vanity plate moment, but damn that was and is funny! You go L!


Nam-myoho-renge-kyo (always remember your daily chant too!)

COZI.COM

Cozi.com is a free online calendar that is an easy way to manage your timesharing schedule, appointmemts and general tasks. It has appointment reminders and agenda email. It is set up with a password so it is private to you, your former spouse and child(ren). Whether you have the capacity to get along with your Former Spouse or your Former Spouse is just a toxic butthead who wants to control and contaminate your essence, an interactive internet calendar is a good solution. You, your Former Spouse and child(ren) can manage timesharing, appointments and tasks in a way that will be more available and definative. Check it out.

Wake Up your Husband is a Scumbag

If your Husband was a Scumbag before your marriage (you know the truth; please do not assume to be so lonely that you ignore the truth), he will be a Scumbag during your marriage and you can watch it multiply during your divorce. No he (the pre-husband Scumbag) does not love you. He wants sex or money. Look deep into his vacant, souless eyes and you will see. Odds are he has been married before you came along, he had a nasty divorce which he blames on his former Wife, and Yes, you married the same Scumbag. His true colors will show soon enough.

Ask your prospective attorney: "Do you know how to effectively deal with a male Scumbag?" If your prospective attorney laughs or changes the subject, then they are denying what is real for you. You can save yourself some pain and heartache at this point if you deny this prospective attorney the opportunity of representing you. Guess what—that attorney just wants your money too! - Holy Shit- You have managed to have contact with your second certifiable Scumbag. Find somebody that understands you and will fight for you as you know you what's right if yours is the side with principle. Personally, I become energized by people with principles. Lets go kick some butt and accomplish your reasonable goals!

Oh and for you non-Scumbag men, we will chat soon about the scumbag Wife!

ASK ME

Your Divorce will involve me having to know everything about you—for better or worse, the good, the bad, the ugly.

We are all human. You know not one perfect person. Everyone in this Courtroom is flawed—the Judge, the Bailiff, the Attorneys. But you are the one sitting in the hot seat and it's your life that is being scrutinized and put under a microscope. I believe that it is only fair and right that if I am privileged to know everything about you, then you are entitled to know something or everything about me. That is, of course, if you care to know about me. I understand if you do not want to know me as well as I will come to know you. I invite you to ASK ME any personal question about me (as I did of you) and I will answer it. Yes, I may blush too, but I think equal footing is fair, under the circumstances. I literally "hate," (yes, "hate"—a strong and powerful and ugly choice of words) the person who thinks that they are better than anyone or someone else. Or worse, someone who acts like life is not difficult and they would have you believe that their own life is perfect. Let us be honest as humans and recognize that we are all doing the best we can, we all have problems, we all need help from someone else.

If you hired an attorney who thinks they are too perfect to share the personal details of their life with you (as you have just spilled your most personal details to them), then FIRE THEM immediately. It really should be that simple. After all, it's simply life here we are all struggling with. We are here to simply enjoy it and pass on to our next adventure. This behooves the question: "Why do we take ourselves so seriously?"

I currently represent an incredible Wife and Mother of four Children and her Husband "Bob" takes himself so seriously he has no idea the average person looks at him and thinks "What an IDIOT," as he is married to his money—not his beautiful and smart Wife and precious Children—but his money. Bob: Everybody is laughing at you so please seek help to save your marriage as your Wife and Children need you. Accept counseling with open arms and admit to your shortcomings as YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE GETTING BAD ADVICE from a lot of people. Oops! You might drop a nickle and not pick it up! If you are always looking down for money Bob, you will never ever raise your eyes to see your beautiful Family. Bob, you don't realize how so very lucky you are to have Lesa as your wife. You are just too much of a money grubbing, total Idiot to see the absolute beauty of your Wife and your Children. I pray this money obsession of yours is brief. Namasté.

Again, you can ask me anything, but beware as you might just be on the receiving end of some story of crazy wisdom or reflection of mind. Keep in mind you do pay me hourly.

(All names are intentionally fictitious).

Namasté.

Your Child Thinks You Are An Idiot if....

If you and your former spouse despise each other so much that you have two (2) separate bat mitzvahs, I assure you she thinks you both are complete idiots, which I must concur with her that YOU BOTH ARE COMPLETE IDIOTS (to put it mildly)!

SUPERIOR MAN

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is a book that will either save your marriage or make you realize that it is 100% over. Black and white—absolutely no grey area. Read it if you want to discover the truth about your marriage.

If you are the man, read the book to fully understand how male energy interacts with female energy, and whether the female you are with is the right person for your energy. If you are a female and your marriage sucks, then ask your husband to read this book with you. If he says "no," or "yes," but then does not read it, your marriage is likely over. Done deal. Run away as fast as you can no matter what the consequences! The faster you leave, the sooner you'll find the right person to grow old with.

If he reads this amazing book, you both will see your energy and passion begin to merge. Consequently, he will become aware of whether the two of you should be sharing your energy. If he understands this book, and it is deemed that your energies should be merging, you will have the partner that your spirit craves and needs. He will give you his spirit without conditions.

Hence, a real union of two spirits translates into happiness for you and your family. It's time to start living. You owe it to the energy trapped in your body to find it's counterpartner. Your Life is there for your use, for you if you let it come to you. If you accept your energy and you are aware of it, your energy will simply and forcefully attract what you want, relationship and otherwise.

I assure you that you are a beautiful person who deserves an unlimited supply of energy for living and partnering, no matter how much your so-called soulmate has tried to take it from you. Get on with it! Either demand and receive one hundred percent of what you deserve from your spouse, your partner of Life, (mental, spiritual, moral, physical) or choose divorce. There will be no grey. It is truly "black" or "white", "night" or "day." And it is up to you. Yes, it will be difficult and painful. But you will soon conclude ... "so what!" because you are about to discover that this book holds the answers that so many of us seek.

Tiger, Shark or Compassion

I am often asked by a potential client whether I am a Shark or Tiger, or that they heard I am a Shark and Tiger and that is why they want to hire me. I immediately respond that I am neither, as Compassion is your best way to accomplish your goals in your case not by being an Shark/Tiger aka Asshole. He who angers you will control you, and hence your married and not really getting an emotional divorce. Compassion is simply a rational and wise and thoughtful manner of identifying your goals and taking the time to develop a strategy to accomplish your goals, and then working as diligently as necessary to obtain your goals. A Tiger or Shark is a symbol of an anger animal misplacing its energy at whatever it smells. Gee, that is a stupid way to accomplish your goals and your attorney looks like an inexperienced idiot doing it that way, you could say the difference between Hulk Hogan representing you and James Bond. I prefer Bond. Find the Compassionate attorney that is glad to argue you case at trial to accomplish your goals as most bullies (The Hulk Hogans) are too afraid or lazy to do so and their Shark/Tiger mentally is fake, made of fear, and fall down the minute somebody stands up to them. Think about it. Covert operation or Overt operation. I vote for the Covert operation any day of the week! Your goal is to accomplish your concerns, not to look like an asshole, as that is your spouse and why you are divorcing him/her.

Collaborative Divorce

A collaborative divorce is a divorce where you and your spouse hire your attorneys to settle your case prior to suing each other for a divorce. If you attorneys do not settle your case, we cannot represent you in your divorce. The intent is for the attorneys to work together, not against each other. This process also involves a mental health and financial neutral, who work with you and your spouse. The mental health professional is to help with communication and maintaining respect (and help your discussions regarding the best interest of your child) and the financial expert works to identify and value assets and debts, and determine actual income. If the process works, you have maintained respect for each other as the process is to emphasis a fair resolution as determined by you and your spouse, not a resolution as mandated by the Judge or laws passed by the legislature. If the process does not work, you have spent a lot of money, and you basically start over. Respect and your resolution is the goal and that is the best possible goal in any dissolution of a marital relationship. Why intentionally fight and have a stranger (the Judge) determine your outcome. You must be mature, intelligent and capable of listening and respect to participate in a collaborative divorce, and you must find two (2) attorneys you know what they are doing and who know their role in a collaborative process. Many attorneys do not understand this type of divorce process and I have noticed they are afraid to try it, afraid to give up the control, afraid to get along versus engaging in a "fight." Ask your attorney about this process and if they are unable to answer your questions, you may not have the right attorney.

A Dollar and Principle

At what cost should you resolve your case? When does the dollar amount conflict with your principles and emotional toll? It is a very difficult decision on whether or not to litigate your case or accept an offer that from your perspective is too low (however it is probably not low from the perspective of your spouse). Is an additional $100,000.00 over a projected 15 year span worth the emotional strain and time it takes to litigate your case, and the additional time if appeal, considering that all Judges are human and they make mistakes. That means even if everything you present at your trial goes just how you and your attorney planned, you may not get the result you want (or you may get a great result). The question you must be prepared to answer is when your case is not resolved because of disagreement of the amount of money, what is the Dollar amount that it becomes worth it to litigate. To answer that question, you must add in your life principles and the cost of the emotional toll of litigation, as there is nothing fun or entertaining when it comes to being in a courtroom where your life and marriage is put under a microscope, as I can assure you there is no perfect person and unfortunately a lot of divorce issues focus on the negative aspects of you, not the positive. Now, this decision is easy if the issue is one involving your child, as your gut will always answer that question for you and you do know at all times what is in the best interest of your child. Life is short and long at the same time, so do not be afraid to trade a dollar or two for your emotional well being and overall life principles.