Thursday, May 1, 2014


There are several warning signs when your spouse is unfaithful to you, not just with another person but with the checkbook.  Some of the signs are: 

1.     When you ask questions about money, the responses are evasive or defensive;

2.     You ask your spouse to hold a regular household financial meeting once every two weeks and your spouse does not respond or simply balks;

3.     Credit card statements, bank statements and other financial statements simply disappear and never arrive in your mailbox or your email;

4.     There are unexplained or unexpected cash withdrawals or other transfers on financial statements when you do find them to review;

5.     Your spouse insists that you sign financially related documents that you do not have a chance to review and they simply say there is no need for you to review it as they have "handled it";

6.     Your spouse always seems to have new clothes, new "toys" and "things" as compared to you while you are being very frugal with your money and do not buy new items; and

7.     Bank accounts and credit card statements show frequent shopping sprees at odd times and frequent purchases from internet sites which you are unaware exist.

If your spouse is cheating on you financially, there are ways to prevent it or potentially cure it unless it is being done out of anger to "get even" with you or to force you to open your eyes and initiate a divorce.  Your spouse may just have other issues causing their actions, or simply may be financially immature.  Some good suggestions to prevent, reduce or cure their actions are:

1.     Come to a specific understanding with your spouse about spending limits;

2.     Spot-check all financial statements and create a calendar to demonstrate what financial statements (bank accounts, credit cards, etc.) are due from your institutions;

3.     If your spouse is truly financially handicapped (versus intentionally doing it out of anger or spite) respond with compassion to their money missteps;

4.     Be aware of the dates and surrounding facts when your spouse tells you a purchase was on sale for a surprisingly low price so that you may double-check with friends;

5.     Read your most recent tax return with all of the attachments and supporting documentation;

6.     Ask a friend who is educated and experienced in tax returns to do them with you so that all of your questions are answered, and

7.     If your spouse actually cares about you and they are intending to be with you for a long duration, then see a properly trained therapist to get help learning how to handle money-related behavioral and mental issues.

Unfortunately, excessive spending habits in a marriage does not help you in your dissolution, as excessive spending habits create a "higher" standard of living, and by having a higher standard of living, the "status quo need" for alimony is higher, and therefore if your ability to pay is sufficient, and the other requirements for alimony are met, you may have to pay a much higher amount of alimony than if your spouse was frugal.

Therefore, be aware that simply complaining to the Judge and thinking you will receive sympathy and compensation because your spouse was spending so much money frivolously and out of control may be very dangerous. 

Never be Penny-wise and Dollar-foolish.  Be Penny-foolish and Dollar-wise!