Tuesday, July 1, 2014


Divorce is great.  I often speak to large and small groups, and I also instruct continuing legal education regarding marital law.  Recently I was an instructor for the National Business Institute regarding tax issues and parenting plans for divorce attorneys in continuing education.  I was also invited by the National Association of Social Workers in June, 2014 to speak for three hours on divorce issues at their annual national conference in Weston, Florida.  I enjoy speaking engagements for several reasons, one is that in order to talk about something you must know the subject inside and out or it will not naturally flow from you and you will embarrass yourself.  I enjoy meeting attorneys who may be starting their divorce practices and taking these continuing legal education classes.  I enjoy debating with my colleagues who are experienced in divorce issues at these seminars.  And most of all I enjoy stand-up comedy so I am always able to practice some of my "routine" during these seminars.  Unfortunately, there is no chance I will ever be able to "quit my day job" in exchange for my stand-up routine.

The point of this blog is that I start off every seminar or general presentation by saying, "I LOVE DIVORCE!"  After I say it, I will say it again, and the reaction of the audience is always quiet, uncomfortable, with glares of disdain at me, and there is general confusion on how I can say this adamantly, confidently and with a smile of approval!  The answer is simple.  I love divorce because every human being deserves a partner of love, dedication, loyalty and friendship.  I love divorce because if you are married and your relationship with your current spouse is such where you are not happy, where you do not pinch yourself every morning and rejoice because of your partnership, where you cannot be yourself when you are out at dinner with your spouse, and just generally you are not happy, assuming efforts to reconcile the marriage and relationship have failed (as at one time you and your spouse thought each other were the best thing since sliced bread and that is why you married), the only path to your happiness is to divorce your spouse.

Yes, it is painful!
Yes, you may still care a great deal for your spouse!
Yes, you may have wonderful memories with your spouse!
Yes, it may be difficult on your child(ren)!
Yes, it may be difficult with your friends and family!
Yes, your spouse may not agree with you! [1]
Yes, you may have to reduce your standard of living.

Divorce is the only way you may find your true one and only partner.  Most people have the same fears and dreams.  Most people desire a partner to share their life and to love.  I myself would rather be cold, hungry and homeless in a cardboard box than "fake" my happiness in a partnership where I am no longer happy, and I simply will not be, no matter what.  It is not fair to fake a relationship with your partner if they have opposite feelings.  However, it is in their best interest that the marriage is dissolved as it is patently unfair that they are in a relationship that is not mutual with integrity as they themselves deserve a partner who is truthful to them about their feelings and truly cares and loves them as a married partner.  By "existing" in a relationship where you are not happy, you are doing a great disservice to your partner because the relationship is not real, and they deserve a real relationship that involves mutual honesty and feelings.

So, I love divorce because it is the only way to be fair to your partner, so that they do not invest energy in false feelings and hence a false relationship, and it is the only way for you to find the true happiness, love and the partner you are seeking, or whom you have found.  You and your partner should celebrate the times of your life when you were together, when you did interact and love each other, when you did participate as parents and a family.  However, life is dynamic and ever-changing.  People change.  Relationships change.  Chemicals in the brain of your partner may change and chemicals in your brain may change, and although you may look like the same person as you did 10 to 30 years ago, as does your partner, because the chemicals in your brain have changed, you are not the same person, nor is your partner.  Your partner must accept this fact and dissolve your partnership with dignity and honor while looking forward to supporting each other in your next adventure(s).

As I have been involved in over 1,250 marital and divorce cases in the last 26 years. One funny side note that I have noticed very prevalent in divorces is that the person who may not have originally agreed with the divorce and the person who may not have wanted to dissolve the marriage initially, even with struggles in the beginning, usually ends up with the "last laugh" as the universe tends to have a miracle waiting for them eventually, and they tend to find a partner who brings them great happiness, love and integrity, which then grounds them as a person, and then they wonder why they did not "love divorce" as their spouse who initiated the proceedings.  Of course, if the proper energy can be intended with pure thoughts from both the husband and wife to the future of each other, I have observed that many more times than not both the husband and wife, who are now the former husband and former wife, each enter into and find a relationship of "pinchable" quality.  Sometimes it just takes time, healing and belief.

I love divorce because it dissolves false relationships and allows each person to return to a real and honest relationship. A divorce should be celebrated as much as a marriage is celebrated based on the natural truth that all humans deserve a loving partner.  By the way, if you are a widow, some of this analysis is proper because you have the foundation and love of your prior relationship to move forward and use it as a base for your next relationship.  As a realist you must understand, with the 7-billion humans on this planet, there is probably more than one person whom you could love and have that "pinchable" partnership.  We all fear loneliness and we all dream for a proper partner.  It is time you are honest with yourself.


[1] However, if your spouse truly cares about you, they would support your decision to cease the relationship because they would want you to be happy.