The Last Word on Homeschooled Children and Their
Social Skills
Why
and how our worry about these children needs to end.
Posted
Feb 20, 2020 by Kyle D. Pruett M.D.
I was driving our
then-8-year-old son to a dental appointment on a school day when a man with
three children in tow crossed the street as we waited at the stoplight: “Why
aren’t they in school, Dad?”
I happened to
recognize the man from our weekly farmer’s market outings and knew he and his
wife were homeschooling their children. “Their parents are their teachers. They
are being schooled at home with each other, so they don’t go to regular
school.”
Our thoughtful son
took that in as the light changed and a few blocks later asked, “Do they learn
anything? Do they have any friends?” An age-old question, I thought to myself,
but answered simply, “yes” and “yes.” I had grown up in a part of the country
where more than a few parents didn’t trust the government with the education of their
children, and their children were my friends before and after school. They knew
the same stuff I knew, and sometimes more. I often thought of them as lucky.
Why is this even a
question? We are habituated to educational venues that teach children in
increasingly large numbers who are segregated with their age peers with the
accompanying peer pressure and
competitiveness, and we assume that this is the best way for them to acquire
knowledge, develop academic skills, and become socialized. Consequently, these
non-compliant homeschoolers, especially when their children succeed, raise our
suspicions as to what their children have, or miss out on, as a result of their
family’s decision to homeschool.
Children’s crucial
ability to engage with and function effectively and productively in the world
around them is what we generally mean by socialization. It is a skill that is
taught from infancy on, long before schools open their doors to students.
Schooling can play a role, but not the powerful or always positive one so often
assumed. In her landmark studies of homeschooled children, Patricia Lines
(2000) conducted research using mixed playgroups to evaluate the social skills
of homeschooled children compared with those not homeschooled. She found the
homeschooled to be well adjusted, demonstrating fewer behavioral problems than
their schooled peers.
Here
are some final thoughts about how homeschooling works with some ideas for the
rest of us:
·
Consider how chunks of
alone, quiet time let the brain do its sorting and filing of new information
without the torrent of stimulation that characterizes many classrooms, where
children are never alone.
·
Join local community
groups like the free 4-H clubs where children can choose clubs comprised of
other children with similar interests but not always similar cultures or
social-economic status. This can support invaluable experience in strengthening empathy while exploring the
essential adventure into diversity.
·
Stay conscious that
your children are learning socialization skills from you as you talk to the
check-out folks at the market, the neighbors who need to turn down their music,
and your friends and family members.
·
Appreciate that most
school systems, which most homeschoolers eventually join, support the use of
community classes, professional tutors, or locally informal learning groups to
supplement homeschooling experiences.
·
Consider the last
word: Children are socialized by their parents, and homeschooling is just
another place for children to exercise such skills.
