STOP IT!

(NOTE:  This is a recent publication I submitted to a legal journal with the intention for Attorneys to read.)

 

Really.  You just said what about your client?  "He in an a**hole", "She is a bi***", "He is mentally ill", "She is a skank".

I encounter on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis Attorneys who practice divorce / marital law, yet at the same time, dislike and hate their practice.  These Attorneys practice divorce solely because they need money and they have no other way to supplement their income to their practice.  It is a tragedy.  This is sad.  This is wrong.  The practice of law is an honor!  The practice of law is a jealous mistress where once it becomes your passion, your life will become the most exciting adventure one can imagine, whereas it literally becomes necessary to "pinch" yourself every morning to confirm that your life is not just a dream, but is actually a blessing of the miracle the Universe has bestowed upon you.

Let me remind you of your oath affirmed when you were "sworn" in to practice law in the State of Florida, and whether you realize it or not, you reaffirm it each year upon the payment of your dues to the Florida Bar:

I do solemnly swear;

I will maintain the respect due to courts of justice and judicial officers;

I pledge fairness, integrity, and civility, not only in court, but also in all written and oral communications;

I will abstain from all offensive personality and advance no fact prejudicial to the honor or reputation of a party or witness, unless required by the justice of the cause with which I am charged;

So help me God. ¹ 

You work for your client.  Your client does not work for you.  Your job in a divorce matter is to educate your client to the law, the procedures, and in your opinion, how to accomplish the goal that they desire within a dignified and honorable framework.  Your client pays you money that the majority of them have worked very hard to earn, and your client will work many more hours than you do for your hourly rate.  The Practice of Marital Law is a privilege in that you have the ability to apply Contract Law and other substantive areas in an academic setting, and yet, unlike any other practice of law, it involves one's "heart".  The emotion of love combined with the academic application of law is a most exciting mental exercise. You are compensated highly to apply your intellect and emotional quotient to your clients' issues, problems and future dreams.  They rely upon us to do our job in an honorable and dignified fashion. 

Your client is paying you a lot of money to work in an arena of the utmost excitement and creativity by applying emotion (the broken heart) to academic law (Florida Statute Ch. 61 and Case Law), and yet you have the audacity to complain and "cut down" your client. Why? To justify your ego and your existence!  No matter how great our belief of ourselves, we practice Divorce Law in the Daytona Beach area in the State of Florida.² No, this is not the pinnacle of the legal world.  I understand this, yet I am honored to do so.  So I suggest you get over yourself, appreciate your clients no matter what current stressors are negatively affecting their personality, nor how unreasonable their position is for that day as it is our challenge, our duty, our job and our honor to educate them and lead them through an honorable journey in a difficult field of divorce, whereas hopefully our leadership and compassion builds a "Camp David" for their divorce.

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1.  This is a partial publication of the Oath. 

2.  I have actually heard an Attorney say that he did not go to Law School to work past 5:00 p.m. on a weekday nor to work on weekends.  The reason I went to Law School is exactly the opposite of this, to have the honor and adventure to work past 5:00 p.m. on a weekday and to have the honor and adventure to call a client during the weekend, on a Sunday or a holiday, simply so they know that someone cares about them, will work hard to protect them and further their rights within this difficult world so they can live joyfully in a difficult world.

A PASSION FOR DIVORCE

Does the Attorney representing you have a passion for divorce?  Unfortunately, many attorneys practice divorce solely because they need the additional income to supplement their law practice.  And, there are attorneys who practice divorce who dislike their job, their clients, opposing counsel, and even the Judges due to the amount of stress and often illogical emotion involved.  In divorce, a known saying is, "You see good people acting at their worst", (versus criminal law, "you see bad people acting at their best" - during their case).  Divorce is a stressful area to practice law due to the emotions, and as an attorney, once you become an acquaintance or friend with your client, you must be careful regarding the emotional aspect of the case, as that can affect your individual stress in the case, and it can affect your ability to give your client proper neutral advice. 

So, ask your attorney - does he / she have a passion for their divorce practice? Ask your attorney - why do you practice divorce? What do you like about practicing divorce?  If your attorney practices in other areas of law, ask him or her - why do you practice other disciplines of law? When they answer your questions, watch their body language, and in doing so, instinctively, you should discern whether you received a truthful answer. If you attorney does not have a passion for their practice and if your attorney does not enjoy what they are doing 24/7, I would submit to you that the representation you will receive or are receiving may be mediocre to the representation from an attorney who has a passion for the practice of divorce.

I love the practice of divorce. I have a passion as a divorce attorney because it is an area of law where I constantly meet new people each year, the majority of my clients become acquaintances and occasionally become my friends. It is also very rewarding when you represent someone who has been wronged and terrorized for years by their spouse, and they become empowered and find their prior confidence and self-esteem, and they are able to break the chains of torment with appropriate celebration and financial security after the case.  Also, divorce law is very academically interesting to practice because it is "contract" law, but add the unpredictable and miracle of the heart, and emotions attributed to the heart, and knead those into the practice of contract law, it becomes a hybrid law, one that is an academic exercise of contract law and one that is the wonderful of exercise of heart. There is no other type of legal discipline similar to divorce. Once you become aware of the blessing to meet new people, quality people, the reward of helping people and the academic pursuit with heart, you understand my  passion for divorce.

Everybody desires a partner with reciprocal unconditional love and integrity. If your current Partner is not this "Partner", divorce is the avenue to your desired "Partner" as suggested by the Universe. I want to help you find that Partner.

Namaste´

 

 

HOW LONG WILL YOU CONTINUE TO BE AN

ASSHOLE TO YOUR FORMER SPOUSE?

 Common Statements By Children of Divorce

I slowly grew to dislike both of my parents.

My parents seemed to forget I was alive because they were so focused on their anger toward the other parent.

I spent many nights lying in bed unable to sleep.

I never wanted to have friends over to my house anymore.

I spent a lot of time at my friends' houses because I didn't want to be home.

I worried about the future and what was going to happen.

I learned what depression felt like and I was only 7 years old.

My parents never knew how I felt because they didn't seem to care most of the time and if they ever asked me I would lie since I didn't want to add to their burdens.

I quit studying in school because I just didn't care anymore.

I thought about running away from home.

I hated being in the middle of their war.

I couldn't talk to either of my parents because they were on edge all the time and got angry easily.

My dad would get made at my mother and take it out on me.

I watched my grandma and other relatives take sides and start bad-mouthing my dad.

Every time I came home from the other parent's house I was grilled as to what they were doing. Both parents did this.

I hated it when I saw my mom or dad with another person.

More Typical Comments From Children of Divorce

I started thinking about ways to stop the sadness by killing myself. I knew neither parent would care.

I was only 16 but I thought if I could get a boy to take me away from all of this that would be my escape.

I couldn't ask either parent for anything because they would snap at me since there wasn't enough money anymore.

I told my mom that I wanted to see my dad on Father's Day Sunday and she gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the day.

If I told my Dad that Mom was having a problem with something at the house he would bark at me that it was her problem not his.

Neither parent was at all interested in what was happening to me at school.

My little brother would come into my room after we went to bed because he was scared and lonely.

I didn't have any money for a school field trip but I was afraid to ask either parent.

I noticed my friends at school quit talking to me.

Both of my parents asked me to take their side and I didn't.

And More

What was amazing looking back was that my parents never seemed to notice what effect their fighting and conflict was having on my sisters and me.

My brothers and I became closer as our parents argued and spoke poorly about each other in front of us kids. We all slowly grew to hate our parents at the same time.

I sure saw my parents in a different light. I mean before the divorce I thought my parents were the smartest people in the world and that they loved me more than anything. Watching their divorce destroyed that perception. I saw my parents for the small, mean spirited people they really were. I lost all respect for both of them.

I am old enough now that I have experienced being dumped by a (girl friend / boy friend) and the hurt that that kind of break up causes. But finding out that my parents didn't really love me enough to stop fighting each other was much more painful and long lasting. I got over breaking up with my (girl friend / boy friend) eventually but I will never get over my parents' divorce.

"Children begin by loving

their parents;

As they grow older

they judge them;

Sometimes they forgive them."

IF YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE, OBVIOUSLY YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BE, HOWEVER, YOU ARE A PERSON OF UNIVERSAL FAITH, AND IT IS TIME TO FEEL THE UNIVERSE AND STOP THE ACTIONS THAT CREATE THE ABOVE COMMENTS.  PLEASE CHECK YOURSELF.