"METALS"

The term “metals” is used by husbands who acquire gold and silver as assets.  They refer to the gold and silver as “metals”.  I have noticed at an alarming rate the value of “metals” in divorces are undervalued by the husband (who is in possession of the asset) and the wife does not have any tangible evidence (receipts, handwritten balances by husband, pictures, etc.) of the true value of the metals.  During the marriage, the husband will convince the wife the “metals” are for their retirement, the metals are safe and secure, and for the wife to trust the husband in acquiring and safeguarding the “metals.”  Normally the wife will trust her husband in doing so.  The husband will tell the wife that the "metals" are worth a million dollars or two million dollars, whatever their true market value, and the wife feels secure based on the knowledge that their retirement is funded.  However, the problem occurs during their divorce when the husband will claim the metals are only worth one-tenth of their true value (for example, stating the value at only $100,000.00 or $200,000.00) while the wife does not have any proof of the true value.  One reason people invest in “metals” is if you buy in increments of less than $10,000.00 at a time, the government is not notified of the purchase and there is minimum to no recordkeeping of the purchase, and therefore the transactions are easily hidden from the IRS for tax purposes, and from the wife during the divorce for division of asset purposes.  Tracking "metals" may be difficult because they are not always paid for via check, where you can subpoena the bank records and itemize the checks to demonstrate the value of the purchases.  Often, "metals" are obtained by cash or traded for by other "metals" or other assets.  Therefore, it is very important, if you are a wife, and your husband has “metals” for retirement, that you obtain in his handwriting or a typewritten statement signed by him (and preferably notarized) describing the true quantity and type of metals and their fair market value on that date.  Or if your husband refuses, then attempt to obtain one-half of the "metals" to keep in your possession and let him keep one-half in his possession.  If your husband is refusing to do any of these, then you know his true intent.  Again, it is at an alarming rate the amount of “metals” that I have seen involved in divorces in the last 24 months versus the last 25 years (when it was very rare.)  Now it is almost a common event that “metals” are involved and the wife does not have proof of the value and the husband claims the value is nothing what he had informed the wife.  So, if you find yourself in this position, it is important to immediately have a consultation with a Board Certified Marital Attorney and develop a plan, usually involving a private investigator, to have your husband make certain admissions to the value of the "metals" so you have a third party (private investigator) who can testify to the admissions of your husband as to the value of the metals.



BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

It is of essence that you are impeccable with your word in your divorce (and hopefully in your life).  I always ask my clients (and tell them) -"If you do not judge me I promise I will not judge you." It is so important to maintain the highest credibility with your Judge as if you lie about a small matter just because it may embarrass you, the Judge is unlikely to believe you on the large important lifetime divorce effecting facts. A client of mine recently lied to me and the Judge on a small inconsequential matter simply because he was embarrassed.  If he only told me the truth, I could have easily resolved and controlled the fact and issue. He did not and I found out about the lie and the other side has discovered it also.  I will now have to spend one-half of our limited court time repairing this matter versus focusing on other damaging facts to their spouse.  We will survive and prevail because fairness and justice demands that we do, but my and my client's job just became much harder for me and more time consuming which means much more expensive for my client.  Please tell the truth.

"FIDO" THE DOG

Your pets (dog/cat/bird/fish/snake/tarantula/iguana/sugar baby/gerbil or guinea pig) is often a major issue in your dissolution of marriage.  Obviously, pets can be a complex issue in a divorce as, in one way they are your best friend (you probably like them better than your spouse or child) and on the other hand they are “property” as much as your couch or big screen TV.  If you have a marriage of several years and your pets are several years old, everyone – the husband and wife, and the child(ren) may be very attached to the pets.  Pets also cost money, which can be very expensive in your post-dissolution of marriage budget, but pets often provide the only stability and rational thought to the child(ren) during the dissolution process.  The issue is what do you do with your pets?  If you reach a settlement agreement and you are amicable with your spouse, you can do about anything you want with your pets from sharing the pets, having the pets go back and forth with your child(ren), sharing the expenses of the pets, or dividing the pets.  As with all issues in your divorce, it is better to resolve in a rational and fair manner with your spouse because you can be much more creative in your settlement agreement versus a trial.  If you cannot resolve the issue of your pets with your spouse (either partially or not resolving the entire dissolution case) then it will be part of your trial and the judge will decide the destiny of your pets.  The problem is pets are “property” in the dissolution of marriage and therefore the judge will distribute (give) the pets to one party or the other.  Technically the judge could convey joint ownership, but I have never seen this happen.  Therefore, contrary to popular belief, a judge does not order “joint custody” of your pets.  Also note the cost of your pet is an additional need to be discussed in the alimony portion of your case.  As with dividing up cars, houses, bank accounts, personal property, the pets are divided up too, and therefore it is possible that a pet is distributed to your spouse and you will never see that pet again, and if your spouse is a sadistic person and they know that pet is of great love and sentimental value to you, they may even insinuate abuse of that pet to you in order to emotionally control you and to obtain other concessions from you after the judge has entered the Final Judgment dissolving your marriage and his or her determination of property distribution, time sharing with the children, and monetary issues.  Therefore, you should fully discuss with your attorney the sentimental value of your pets to you and your children, and if you cannot resolve the issue by agreement, the issue of your pets must be taken as seriously as all other issues in your case, because it is often that a pet is as important to you as someone you love and it is property that is more sentimental to you than any other asset.

THE ENGAGEMENT RING

            Congratulations! Your girlfriend has just accepted your proposal to marry her, and you are now placing the engagement ring on her finger.  If your Relationship Bliss ends prior to the marriage, what happens to your engagement ring? The law is different in all states, but in Florida you are entitled to have the engagement ring returned to you. If your fiancé does not return it to you, you may sue her for a Court Order that it be returned to you, or a judgment for the fair market value of the ring if it has been claimed to be lost, etc.  If you enter into Marital Bliss, then the minute you are husband and wife the ring now belongs to her solely, even if you divorce, because the ring is a non-marital asset since it was given to her prior to the marriage, and any assets tendered to your wife prior to the marriage are 100% hers upon divorce. So, you can tell a man who has been divorced many times when he buys his most recent fiancé an engagement ring, and there will be a fake 3-carat diamond in it, and he will tell his fiancé that it is fake, and the real one has been ordered and it will not be in until after the wedding, and at that time the fake diamond in her ring will be replaced with the real one. This way, the husband has purchased the diamond during the marriage, and it is now a marital asset, so if and when divorce occurs, the husband is entitled to one-half the value of the ring. So, for all the girls out there, beware if your fiancé gives you a fake diamond intending to replace it with a real diamond after you are married, because that means he is well versed in the law of engagement rings and is foreseeing a direct possibility of dissolution of your marriage, and at least one-half the value of that ring will be returned to him.

            Enjoy your honeymoon!



Organization

Is your attorney organized when you meet with him or her? If not, do you really expect your case (that will effect you forever) to be organized in his/her head and even more important, at a settlement conference or a Court hearing or a Deposition or your Trial! Run the other way to a different attorney if you believe your current attorney is disorganized, as please remember your attorney works for you, you do not work for them (many attorneys forget this important fact!)

ALIENATION OF YOUR CHILD

Every Court Order (temporary and final) and Settlement Agreement/Parenting Plan has language and mandates to encourage a loving positive relationship between the child and parent. The mandatatory Parenting Class you must complete for your Divorce focuses on each parent greatly encouraging a positive child/parent relationship. It is unfortunate and tragic that if one parent wants to alienate your child against you, they will be able to do it. There are all different types of alienation that range from very subtle to direct in your face. Subtle is as simple as one parent is very hurt because they do not want the divorce and the child is aware they do not want the divorce (and throw in a girlfriend or boyfriend) and the child sides with the "hurting" parent or the parent they are closer to (and age of child important here to) and the relationship with the parent that wants the divorce is scarred forever. I assure you this is painful for all parties involved. And there is the intentional alienation where the parent who does not want the divorce encourages the child to take sides (either they are aware this is happening or not but they are responsible as it is happening on their watch) and the parent/child take sides to the effect that we are a package deal- 2 or none. The problem is a divorcing parent cannot make that choice so by default it is none. And then you have the most direct alienation - your mother or father is the devil. The sad truth is you can pay me a lot of money and after a couple of years of litigation (budget crisis with Courts equal shortage of Judges for divorce cases so cases are backlogged) we will obtain an Order from the Court finding Contempt and Alienation and probably an Order to pay some of your fees and costs. But by this time the permanent damage is done and even if the Court ordered supervised visitation for the alienating parent and child, the child may be a teenager and he/she will simply "run away" from your home or even attempting to change the physical custody of the child will create more trauma to the child where the additional trauma is not in the best interest of the child (a gordian knot or catch 22 so to say). Your relationship is forever damaged with your child by the time the Court can intervene. This is just reality.. Similar to how fast you can pull a child from the bottom of a pool- the child is either dead or has slight to severe brain damage. So what do you do? You of course stick up for principle and sue the alienating parent (if you have the money and it is so important to hire an attorney that knows how to litigate against a narcissistic or mentally unstable parent)but as with many maritsl legal issues, pursue practical solituons such as counseling for your child (discuss with your attorney how to obtain such Order in an efficient manner) and most importantly, just put a dish of milk out by having your words match your actions and your actions match your words as hopefully your child will observe your true self and decide to sip from that dish of milk by accepting what they see of you and then slowly your relationship can improve and in fact become stronger from the experience once improved as both of you had to actually fight for it.....as life is very long and there are decades of time to be a parent and have a parent/child relationship with your child once they are an adult (in reality that is age 16 and up) and so understand when you are caught up in the moment of trauma and precise alienation, that believe it or not, this to will pass and just maybe in the long run you may have even a stronger and deeper relationship with your child from the alienating experience. If not, at least you fucking tried and you can use your experiences to help someone else and all one really can do is just "to be" in this exact moment of time with honor and dignity. Do not be so arrogant to assume you know more than the Universe as has not the Universe always provided for you? So yes, give thanks to your Maker right now! Namasté. But yes, sue their ass to if necessary!

EMOTIONAL STAGES OF DIVORCE

You must understand and experience the emotional stages of your divorce before you can effectively settle or present your case at a trial. It is also to your advantage to be acutely aware of the stage or stages your spouse is in as each stage affects their ability to effectively negotiate or adequately assist their attorney to prepare for trial against you. The five emotional stages of your divorce are:

1) Denial- "this is not happening to me"
2) Angry and Resentment- "how can he/she do this to me"
3) Bargaining- "if you will stay, I will change"
4) Depression- "I do not think I can bear this"
5) Acceptance- "I rather accept it and move on than wallow in the past"

If your attorney knows what they are doing, they will observe you as your attorney should never allow your case to be at Mediation or settlement negotiations if you are in number 3 or 4, versus if your spouse is in number 3 or 4 (and you are not) than that might be an excellent time to negotiate your settlement. The ONLY time to present your case for a trial is if you are in number 5 as otherwise your testimony and ability to participate in your case will be .... let us just say not good!

Observe your spouse and what phase he/she is in as this will allow you to understand why they are acting the way they are acting and it will allow you to monitor their progress as once they are at acceptance, your case will usually resolve. If you have been ready to divorce long before your spouse, you may have been at the acceptance stage while they are just starting denial. Be patient and understanding with forgiveness and compassion as the only way to resolve your marriage is with honor and dignity. Honor defeats all malice and just bad people at all times. Do not fuck with Honor!

I look forward to meeting you in the field of Acceptance at the big tree called Honor.

LOVE: LIVE JUST LIVE PLEASE!

Love is either true love or not. True love is love at first sight that is so strong that it is UNCONDITIONAL. Unconditional love is giving ur soul and spirit to each other with ur sole and only intent to help ur partner grow so that their soul and spirit r fully nurished and satisfied so they develop into their greatest and happiest potential. U can find true love. It does exist and it will find u when the energy of the universe deems it is so. It cannot find u if u r floundering in ur marriage or u r in a bad marriage. But it is a personal choice and only ur choice to make whether to dissolve ur floundering or bad marriage. U may actually have other interest and desires other than true love and therefore ur universal energy is elsewhere and ur destiny is a floundering or bad marriage. But if u have a desire or passion to live and love and ur marriage is floundering or bad and counseling will not remedy ur relationship to true love, then divorce their ass with dignity and honor and let the Universe find true love with and for u. LIVE JUST LIVE PLEASE!!!!!!