ALIENATION OF YOUR CHILD

Every Court Order (temporary and final) and Settlement Agreement/Parenting Plan has language and mandates to encourage a loving positive relationship between the child and parent. The mandatatory Parenting Class you must complete for your Divorce focuses on each parent greatly encouraging a positive child/parent relationship. It is unfortunate and tragic that if one parent wants to alienate your child against you, they will be able to do it. There are all different types of alienation that range from very subtle to direct in your face. Subtle is as simple as one parent is very hurt because they do not want the divorce and the child is aware they do not want the divorce (and throw in a girlfriend or boyfriend) and the child sides with the "hurting" parent or the parent they are closer to (and age of child important here to) and the relationship with the parent that wants the divorce is scarred forever. I assure you this is painful for all parties involved. And there is the intentional alienation where the parent who does not want the divorce encourages the child to take sides (either they are aware this is happening or not but they are responsible as it is happening on their watch) and the parent/child take sides to the effect that we are a package deal- 2 or none. The problem is a divorcing parent cannot make that choice so by default it is none. And then you have the most direct alienation - your mother or father is the devil. The sad truth is you can pay me a lot of money and after a couple of years of litigation (budget crisis with Courts equal shortage of Judges for divorce cases so cases are backlogged) we will obtain an Order from the Court finding Contempt and Alienation and probably an Order to pay some of your fees and costs. But by this time the permanent damage is done and even if the Court ordered supervised visitation for the alienating parent and child, the child may be a teenager and he/she will simply "run away" from your home or even attempting to change the physical custody of the child will create more trauma to the child where the additional trauma is not in the best interest of the child (a gordian knot or catch 22 so to say). Your relationship is forever damaged with your child by the time the Court can intervene. This is just reality.. Similar to how fast you can pull a child from the bottom of a pool- the child is either dead or has slight to severe brain damage. So what do you do? You of course stick up for principle and sue the alienating parent (if you have the money and it is so important to hire an attorney that knows how to litigate against a narcissistic or mentally unstable parent)but as with many maritsl legal issues, pursue practical solituons such as counseling for your child (discuss with your attorney how to obtain such Order in an efficient manner) and most importantly, just put a dish of milk out by having your words match your actions and your actions match your words as hopefully your child will observe your true self and decide to sip from that dish of milk by accepting what they see of you and then slowly your relationship can improve and in fact become stronger from the experience once improved as both of you had to actually fight for it.....as life is very long and there are decades of time to be a parent and have a parent/child relationship with your child once they are an adult (in reality that is age 16 and up) and so understand when you are caught up in the moment of trauma and precise alienation, that believe it or not, this to will pass and just maybe in the long run you may have even a stronger and deeper relationship with your child from the alienating experience. If not, at least you fucking tried and you can use your experiences to help someone else and all one really can do is just "to be" in this exact moment of time with honor and dignity. Do not be so arrogant to assume you know more than the Universe as has not the Universe always provided for you? So yes, give thanks to your Maker right now! Namasté. But yes, sue their ass to if necessary!

EMOTIONAL STAGES OF DIVORCE

You must understand and experience the emotional stages of your divorce before you can effectively settle or present your case at a trial. It is also to your advantage to be acutely aware of the stage or stages your spouse is in as each stage affects their ability to effectively negotiate or adequately assist their attorney to prepare for trial against you. The five emotional stages of your divorce are:

1) Denial- "this is not happening to me"
2) Angry and Resentment- "how can he/she do this to me"
3) Bargaining- "if you will stay, I will change"
4) Depression- "I do not think I can bear this"
5) Acceptance- "I rather accept it and move on than wallow in the past"

If your attorney knows what they are doing, they will observe you as your attorney should never allow your case to be at Mediation or settlement negotiations if you are in number 3 or 4, versus if your spouse is in number 3 or 4 (and you are not) than that might be an excellent time to negotiate your settlement. The ONLY time to present your case for a trial is if you are in number 5 as otherwise your testimony and ability to participate in your case will be .... let us just say not good!

Observe your spouse and what phase he/she is in as this will allow you to understand why they are acting the way they are acting and it will allow you to monitor their progress as once they are at acceptance, your case will usually resolve. If you have been ready to divorce long before your spouse, you may have been at the acceptance stage while they are just starting denial. Be patient and understanding with forgiveness and compassion as the only way to resolve your marriage is with honor and dignity. Honor defeats all malice and just bad people at all times. Do not fuck with Honor!

I look forward to meeting you in the field of Acceptance at the big tree called Honor.

LOVE: LIVE JUST LIVE PLEASE!

Love is either true love or not. True love is love at first sight that is so strong that it is UNCONDITIONAL. Unconditional love is giving ur soul and spirit to each other with ur sole and only intent to help ur partner grow so that their soul and spirit r fully nurished and satisfied so they develop into their greatest and happiest potential. U can find true love. It does exist and it will find u when the energy of the universe deems it is so. It cannot find u if u r floundering in ur marriage or u r in a bad marriage. But it is a personal choice and only ur choice to make whether to dissolve ur floundering or bad marriage. U may actually have other interest and desires other than true love and therefore ur universal energy is elsewhere and ur destiny is a floundering or bad marriage. But if u have a desire or passion to live and love and ur marriage is floundering or bad and counseling will not remedy ur relationship to true love, then divorce their ass with dignity and honor and let the Universe find true love with and for u. LIVE JUST LIVE PLEASE!!!!!!

Passport

If you need a Passport for your child and your former spouse is an asshole, then please give your divorce attorney a six (6) month notice to accomplish this task for you! Courts are very congested these days due to the judiciary financial crisis.

THE VANITY PLATE WINS POINT ONE!

I have represented a Husband for several years and through his multiple trials and appeals I have come to know him and his new Wife. Both are great people and I do really like their courage, humor and just overall nature. But in his divorce (and remember over the last 23 years I have been involved in over a 1000 divorce matters) he did the best move I have ever seen a Husband do with his the girlfriend (current wife and yes they do have "true love"). During the divorce he bought his girlfriend a Mercedes (believe me she deserved a Bentley for all the work she did on his case) and it came with a vanity license plate that said "Bobby's Girl". To this day his former Wife blows a fuse everytime that Mercedes is mentioned! Can we not have any humor left in life? Does every damn thing have to be poitically correct? I say Fuck no! I assure you there are many ways for his former Wife to create her on vanity plate moment, but damn that was and is funny! You go L!


Nam-myoho-renge-kyo (always remember your daily chant too!)

COZI.COM

Cozi.com is a free online calendar that is an easy way to manage your timesharing schedule, appointmemts and general tasks. It has appointment reminders and agenda email. It is set up with a password so it is private to you, your former spouse and child(ren). Whether you have the capacity to get along with your Former Spouse or your Former Spouse is just a toxic butthead who wants to control and contaminate your essence, an interactive internet calendar is a good solution. You, your Former Spouse and child(ren) can manage timesharing, appointments and tasks in a way that will be more available and definative. Check it out.

Wake Up your Husband is a Scumbag

If your Husband was a Scumbag before your marriage (you know the truth; please do not assume to be so lonely that you ignore the truth), he will be a Scumbag during your marriage and you can watch it multiply during your divorce. No he (the pre-husband Scumbag) does not love you. He wants sex or money. Look deep into his vacant, souless eyes and you will see. Odds are he has been married before you came along, he had a nasty divorce which he blames on his former Wife, and Yes, you married the same Scumbag. His true colors will show soon enough.

Ask your prospective attorney: "Do you know how to effectively deal with a male Scumbag?" If your prospective attorney laughs or changes the subject, then they are denying what is real for you. You can save yourself some pain and heartache at this point if you deny this prospective attorney the opportunity of representing you. Guess what—that attorney just wants your money too! - Holy Shit- You have managed to have contact with your second certifiable Scumbag. Find somebody that understands you and will fight for you as you know you what's right if yours is the side with principle. Personally, I become energized by people with principles. Lets go kick some butt and accomplish your reasonable goals!

Oh and for you non-Scumbag men, we will chat soon about the scumbag Wife!