A Dollar and Principle

At what cost should you resolve your case? When does the dollar amount conflict with your principles and emotional toll? It is a very difficult decision on whether or not to litigate your case or accept an offer that from your perspective is too low (however it is probably not low from the perspective of your spouse). Is an additional $100,000.00 over a projected 15 year span worth the emotional strain and time it takes to litigate your case, and the additional time if appeal, considering that all Judges are human and they make mistakes. That means even if everything you present at your trial goes just how you and your attorney planned, you may not get the result you want (or you may get a great result). The question you must be prepared to answer is when your case is not resolved because of disagreement of the amount of money, what is the Dollar amount that it becomes worth it to litigate. To answer that question, you must add in your life principles and the cost of the emotional toll of litigation, as there is nothing fun or entertaining when it comes to being in a courtroom where your life and marriage is put under a microscope, as I can assure you there is no perfect person and unfortunately a lot of divorce issues focus on the negative aspects of you, not the positive. Now, this decision is easy if the issue is one involving your child, as your gut will always answer that question for you and you do know at all times what is in the best interest of your child. Life is short and long at the same time, so do not be afraid to trade a dollar or two for your emotional well being and overall life principles.

Chanting

The power of chanting is .....

I want you to finish this sentence after four weeks of chanting (out loud) the following ten times when you wake up in the morning and ten times before you rest at night:

NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO

Buddhism, contrary to popular belief is "win or lose" That is it- you either "win or lose" with your life. Yet, as prior blogs have discussed nobody wins in a divorce, there are only two or more losers (taking into consideration your children and extended family). So, the real issue is simply just because there is not a so called "winner" in my divorce, CAN I BE A WINNER IN LIFE? The answer is YES as your divorce is probably your first step to changing what energy is out of balance in your life!!!

To win in your life, start chanting (immediately). And, if you actually do your chanting as stated above, please post your response to this entry and finish the sentence "The power of chanting is ...."

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

It is always important to remember to "chant" throughout the day "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" as this is the mystic law which is much greater than your divorce law.

You Really Do Not Know

Your attorney will present your case to a Judge (trial) if it does not settle. During the presentation, only the Judge and other attorney can really tell how much preparation your attorney has put into your case and whether he or she is doing a good job as the attorneys and judges know what to look for, but you do not know what to look for to determine if you attorney is presenting a good trial for you. You may want to hear certain questions asked or voices raised, but that does not mean your attorney has necessarily prepared for your case or is doing a good job. Try to remove yourself from the courtroom (in your mind) and look in from a corner and just observe. You may develop a different prespective at that time. I have actually represented attorneys during their trials. This is difficult as my clients as practicing attorneys definitely know what type of job I am doing or not doing. If your case is actually going to a trial, go watch some other trials so you will be able to compare and contrast the work of your attorney, so at least you are aware and not some "deer in the headlights." As a caveat, attorneys make very bad clients due to their usual general psychological makeup (rules apply to other people but not me).

New Child Support law

As of 10/1/10, the child support law is changing. It is changing by how the amount of child support you pay or receive is calculated. If you have your child twenty (20) percent to forty (40) percent of the overnights per year, you will pay less child support, and on the other side of the coin, if your child spends twenty (20) to forty (40) percent of overnights with your former spouse, you will receive less child support (than compared to the law prior to 10/1/10). Your child support does not automatically change if previously ordered prior to 10/1/10, but rather this is the result of cases after 10/1/10. I have noticed in my calculations that the average amount of child support you will receive (if your child is with you the majority of the time) is much LESS. So, it is very important to concentrate on the alimony and asset distribution portion of your case for your financial security. There is also a new type of alimony as of 7/1/10, called "durational" alimony, which we will discuss in the future.

Do Not Act Surprised!

Often during a divorce, especially a divorce involving children, a spouse acts "surprised" (notice the choice of word "acts") when their soon to be ex spouse refuses to be reasonable, or reacts on an immature level, or just does stupid and juvenile things. Why in the world would you be surprised? If your soon to be ex spouse was a reasonable, mature and responsible person, you would not be divorcing them! So, if you have a dysfunctional marriage, do not expect anything else other then a dysfunctional divorce, and a future dysfunctional relationship as former husband and former wife. The reason you are divorcing your spouse is because they are unreasonable, or it is because they are immature, or it is because they are irresponsible, and therefore, how can you possibly be "surprised" when they act the same way during your divorce and after your divorce.

Loving your children and dating your attorney

I am involved in a case where the former wife is dating her attorney. I represent the former husband. She has two (2) children. She acts like she is concerned about the welfare of her children and she acts like she is concerned about how the children get along with her former husband, their father. She is a fraud and a fake, as if she actually considered how the children felt about her boyfriend being in a legally adverse relationship with her former husband/father, she would conclude that just the perception to the children will emotionally harm them for the rest of thier lives. Unfortunately, she is so concerned about her alimony check and she is so lazy she will do anything to avoid working, even forever damaging her children by dating her attorney. I wonder how she avoids actually considering the harm of her actions. She does not realize it, but it is affecting her physically, as everytime I see her at a court hearing or deposition or mediation or otherwise, her physical body is deteroriating from her life condition of being lazy and avoidance. It is ok to get a job if it will avoid a toll on your children, and therefore be able to hire and pay an attorney to represent you other than having to date one.