Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

It is always important to remember to "chant" throughout the day "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo" as this is the mystic law which is much greater than your divorce law.

You Really Do Not Know

Your attorney will present your case to a Judge (trial) if it does not settle. During the presentation, only the Judge and other attorney can really tell how much preparation your attorney has put into your case and whether he or she is doing a good job as the attorneys and judges know what to look for, but you do not know what to look for to determine if you attorney is presenting a good trial for you. You may want to hear certain questions asked or voices raised, but that does not mean your attorney has necessarily prepared for your case or is doing a good job. Try to remove yourself from the courtroom (in your mind) and look in from a corner and just observe. You may develop a different prespective at that time. I have actually represented attorneys during their trials. This is difficult as my clients as practicing attorneys definitely know what type of job I am doing or not doing. If your case is actually going to a trial, go watch some other trials so you will be able to compare and contrast the work of your attorney, so at least you are aware and not some "deer in the headlights." As a caveat, attorneys make very bad clients due to their usual general psychological makeup (rules apply to other people but not me).

New Child Support law

As of 10/1/10, the child support law is changing. It is changing by how the amount of child support you pay or receive is calculated. If you have your child twenty (20) percent to forty (40) percent of the overnights per year, you will pay less child support, and on the other side of the coin, if your child spends twenty (20) to forty (40) percent of overnights with your former spouse, you will receive less child support (than compared to the law prior to 10/1/10). Your child support does not automatically change if previously ordered prior to 10/1/10, but rather this is the result of cases after 10/1/10. I have noticed in my calculations that the average amount of child support you will receive (if your child is with you the majority of the time) is much LESS. So, it is very important to concentrate on the alimony and asset distribution portion of your case for your financial security. There is also a new type of alimony as of 7/1/10, called "durational" alimony, which we will discuss in the future.

Do Not Act Surprised!

Often during a divorce, especially a divorce involving children, a spouse acts "surprised" (notice the choice of word "acts") when their soon to be ex spouse refuses to be reasonable, or reacts on an immature level, or just does stupid and juvenile things. Why in the world would you be surprised? If your soon to be ex spouse was a reasonable, mature and responsible person, you would not be divorcing them! So, if you have a dysfunctional marriage, do not expect anything else other then a dysfunctional divorce, and a future dysfunctional relationship as former husband and former wife. The reason you are divorcing your spouse is because they are unreasonable, or it is because they are immature, or it is because they are irresponsible, and therefore, how can you possibly be "surprised" when they act the same way during your divorce and after your divorce.

Loving your children and dating your attorney

I am involved in a case where the former wife is dating her attorney. I represent the former husband. She has two (2) children. She acts like she is concerned about the welfare of her children and she acts like she is concerned about how the children get along with her former husband, their father. She is a fraud and a fake, as if she actually considered how the children felt about her boyfriend being in a legally adverse relationship with her former husband/father, she would conclude that just the perception to the children will emotionally harm them for the rest of thier lives. Unfortunately, she is so concerned about her alimony check and she is so lazy she will do anything to avoid working, even forever damaging her children by dating her attorney. I wonder how she avoids actually considering the harm of her actions. She does not realize it, but it is affecting her physically, as everytime I see her at a court hearing or deposition or mediation or otherwise, her physical body is deteroriating from her life condition of being lazy and avoidance. It is ok to get a job if it will avoid a toll on your children, and therefore be able to hire and pay an attorney to represent you other than having to date one.

Change

During your divorce case, there will be many changes. Some of your goals and intentions in the beginning of your case may not be the same in the middle or end of your case. Change is a constant. It's okay to change your mind and your desires. Sometimes you will feel secure in the process of your case and sometimes you will feel unsecure in the process of your case. Remember you are working towards an end result, and facts in your life, your spouse's life and your children's lives can change weekly and monthly. If you understand and expect change during your case, it will be much less traumatic for you. Change can be a different or even a good thing to look forward to, as stagnation is rot, and nobody or nothing can grow with or from rot.

When to Shut up

Often during a client consultation or conference, I am aware that my client is under so much stress and in so much pain that, although my mouth is moving and my words are emitting forth, my client is not hearing a word I am saying. This is a good time for me to remember to stop talking and start listening. (This is also a good time for a client to have confidence in their attorney's ability to do what is right and fair in the long term.) But once I realize it's time to stop talking and start listening, I have been amazed how clients often have the best ideas on how to proceed in their case or how to settle certain matters. I have seen it before, how interesting facts or ideas can suddenly emerge from the client in ways that were not asked or intended. Solutions are tricky and elusive and can occur when you become more aware of listening instead of talking. So, if you don't have any idea what's going on, and why, consider turning your seemingly irrelevant thoughts into specific questions. I do think it's o.k. to ask your attorney to shut up occassionally and just listen. You do have the best ideas.