Bad economy Good

In my 48 years of recent existence, I have noticed that people who are broke tend to be nicer and less stuck up. I think a person has time for human interaction and appreciation once they are rid of thier material possessions as those excess material possessions will own the person who possesses, versus what one may percieve as owning their material possessions. I have witnessed friends, clients, colleagues and acquaintances go from what they perceived as being rich to being broke, and you know what, they tend to be nicer and less stuck up once they are broke. So, maybe a bad economy is actually good, to some extent.

Divorcing a narcissist

If your spouse is a Narcissist, your divorce and beyond will be difficult. If you understand how and why your narcissist spouse is acting towards you, the pain will be a bit less, but have no misunderstanding that if you have a child together, it is basically a life of turmoil. Be glad you escaped when you did, as your healing can start. A good book for your understanding and healing is "Surviving the Storm: Strategies and Realities when Divorcing a Narcissist" by Richard Skerritt.

25 Years

If you have been married 25 years or longer, you should not expect to make a decision to divorce your spouse and that your emotional pain will just cease. Your decision, once you finally make it, will feel like your decades of problems have been lifted off of your shoulders, but please expect to have proper sadness and grieving in the months to come. If you understand that it is an emotionally painfull process, a sad process that one should grieve, then when you have these feelings they will not be debilitating to your day to day life, and finally a smile will emerge. So, it is ok to cry and then it is ok to smile.

A Piece of Paper

Your Divorce will end up on a piece of paper, either a Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage being an judgment written by a Judge after a trial or a Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage incorporating a Marital Settlement Agreement being an agreement agreed to and sign by you and your spouse. The point is you need to be very aware of whether or not you can actually enforce what is written on that piece of paper. For example, if your spouse agrees to pay a credit card debt in your name only and he or she does not pay it, can the Judge do anything to your spouse to make them actually pay it? If it is alimony or child support they were suppose to pay and did not, the Judge can incarcerate (put in jail) you spouse. That is enforcement. But with regard to credit card debt, the Judge is basically powerless to enforce payment of it, and the Judge's options are limited. So, if you agreed to lower or no alimony in exchange for your spouse to pay your credit card debt, you are only receiving a piece of paper with ink on it, which is useless, if your spouse is not honorable and does not pay that credit card debt. Be careful. It is the job of your attorney to advise you whether what you are agreeing to or seeking from the Judge will actually be enforceable after it is ordered. A piece of paper that is not enforceable is a waste of time and money. Do not fall into that trap as I have many consultations with former spouses where the damage is done because their Final Judgment, by not having adequate remedies when their spouse ignores it, is just a worthless piece of paper.

The Number 500

The Number 500 is the average amount of divorce and relationship cases your divorce Judge is handling at one time. That is a lot! So, is it really a realisitic expectation that when the Judge is hearing your case that he or she is mentally and physically able to concentrate and pay attention to all the testimony and evidence? I do not think so. Therefore, focus on the main issues, the important issues. Do you really think anybody is going to listen to your irrelevant nothings or babbles detailing every failing of your spouse? The Judge does not care who was bad. This is not a 3rd grade sandbox. The Judge cares about the important facts of your marriage and case, so stay focused (which your attorney damn well better help you do) on those facts.

Do They Really Care

A lot of people (attorneys, mental health counselors, expert witnesses) will act like they care about your case. Unfortunately, during my cynical days, I question whether everybody actually cares as much as they act. Go with your gut instinct and if you do not think anybody you are paying to help you with your divorce or other marital related issue actually truly cares about you, FIRE them immediately as your gut instinct is alway right. Remember, your attorney and any expert you hired works for you and you can fire them anytime you want too! Namaste.

Watch your Judge

Your divorce is a bench trial, which means a Judge decides your case not a jury. You can go sit in the Courtroom of your assigned Judge at most anytime they have hearings or trials. By watching your Judge on somebody else's case, you may understand how that particular Judge runs their Courtroom, and you may be a bit less nervous during any of your hearings or trial, and you may understand the process a bit more. It is also a good way to watch attorneys and other Husbands/Wives, and what tends to work in a case presentation and what tends not to work in a case presentation. If you are experienced at watching attorneys and Judges, you may develope an "eye" for the lazy versus not lazy ones. This could help you in your selection of an attorney and your case, as your case will change your life forever, hopefully for the betterment of yourself and your children (and even your former spouse as the only resolution is a fair win/win resolution for everybody).